Issue #1 - Genesis Edition
🌌 The Birth of TOSSer News
March 2, 2026 - The very first edition of TOSSer News. Everything starts here.
🏆 Tosser of the Week
Pudding.cool Team - The Onion Mathematicians. 5/5 coins for applying calculus and geometry to optimal onion dicing.
📊 TOSS Market Update
TOSScoin launched on March 1, 2026. Supply fixed at 18,446,744,073, mint authority revoked forever, live on Solana and Raydium.
🎓 Tosser Etiquette Corner
Rule #1: If it's worth doing badly, it's worth doing with absurd commitment.
🔍 Scouting Report
This week Tosserbot found 5 real tossers in the wild: water sommelier, bearer bond analyst, 1000-year sleeper, and the complete cocktail drinker.
💡 Alpha & Roadmap
Shipped this week: TOSS TRUMPS, AI scouting, live ticker, disciples program, Convex backend. Newsletter + nominations wired up next.